Cat talk

Did you know that all stars die at one point of their existence? They begin to run out of fuel, the center part of the star shrinks while the outer part expands thus turning them into a red giant or a super giant. It usually depends on the mass of the star and sometimes it either becomes a white dwarf, a neutron star, or a black hole. Stars are a lot like us, at some point in our lives, we all die. Our goal in life is to brighten up other people's lives. Make their lives easier. Contribute to the society. The stars give us light when it's dark, they are something beautiful to look at that would make us smile. The only thing I envy about stars is that, they know what their fate would be. They would either be a red giant or a white dwarf, even a black hole. We don't know where we would be when it's our time, we wouldn't know what would be happening in 5 years or 10. I go upstairs and get my jacket, my cigarettes and my lighter and check the time. It's 10:56PM.

I go inside my bedroom and turn on the light and as quietly as possible, sneak out of the house so I could go out and smoke. I leave the door unlocked when I go out. As I walk down the street, I don't know what emotion I should be feeling. Happy that my mom hasn't caught me sneaking out, or sad that she doesn't check on me to see if I'm still... well, breathing? Ah well. I'm 18 for goodness sakes. I walk further down the road and there is my spot. Right under the street light with a clear view of the moon and the stars.

I sit down and think about my friends Angie and Karla. We've been having problems lately. Angie no longer wants to go with me to a different country to reach for my dreams. While Karla is indecisive with whether she should still go or not. This of course left me heart broken. This plan was something I have been looking forward to, this is what kept me going. And now it's all kaput.

I look to my right and I see a cat crossing right in front of me. God I hate cats, I despise them. I wouldn't cringe at the thought of boiling kittens before me. I would probably be worried that their guts would get on my shoes, that's how much I hate them. I mean, I don't hate them to the extent that I would go around killing them for fun or torturing them and taking videos of them on you tube. I just, dislike them and don't give a damn if they become extinct. The cat passes and walks ever so slowly like she is awaiting a predator to come any minute. I cough and she notices me. She stops all together and just stares at me for a few seconds, and then continues walking to the other side of the road. It makes me think about how intelligent cats must be.

Did you know cats learn through trial and error, observing and imitating? They are actually pretty intelligent, second to dogs of course, but their ancestors ARE the tigers, so I guess they could be pretty bad ass too. I learned to like them a bit. I hate them 98.2% now. At least there is an improvement.

So I see the cat passing and I see it approach 2 cats by the trash can. The cat that walked passed me went in the trash can looking for food while the 2 cats waited by the trash can. It reminded me a lot of Angie and Karla. I try to put us together and fix us. And in the end, the cat finding food just got out of the trash can and sat by the 3 while one cat decided to walk away. The second cat tried to follow the first cat, but stopped in the middle of the road and came back to the cat that found the food. All this time, the analogy I made was that I was the cat that found food, Angie was the one that left, and Karla was the one that stopped in the middle of the road. I thought deeper and realized that I got it all wrong. I WAS THE CAT WHO LEFT. Not Angie. Angie was the one providing us reality. Karla was hesitant but gave in and ate as well.

While I, just left them. I left them, they didn't leave me. I have been so selfish, thinking only about myself and about MY dreams. I didn't think about theirs. I shouldn't force them to come with me when they didn't want to.

What would I do? Gag them both when the time comes and strap them down the plane? Certainly not. Leaving the country is MY dream, not theirs. Well it was once theirs, but I shouldn't force them into it as well. I just finished my 2nd stick. And for some reason, I wanted it to be 3 sticks for that night.

No matter what, even if my friends decide to stay in this shit land country, I would always be there for them whenever they need me. We'll always be the three amigos. I'll let go of the dream of being with them somewhere far away, but hold on to the dream of being best friends with them forever. I finished my last stick and walked back home.