Word vommit at it's finest

They say that everytime you whistle, the wind will come. Whether it's on a hot summer's day or not, the wind will hear you and blow stronger than it had before. Sadly, I can't whistle, so I had never really tested this presumption. I snuck out once more because I needed a cigarette break from the stressful day I had just had and I noticed how cold it was. I ignored it because I just needed to get away from the house for a few minutes. I look up and am amazed by how big and full the moon was tonight. It looked so beautiful with the clouds crowding around it. I go further down the road and sit on my usual spot by the road just to stare at the moon. I begin to wonder if Neil Armstrong's foot steps still made their mark on it. Had it been stepped on by some extra terrestial being that had happened to pass? Hell, I don't know. Let's not go there. I don't feel like going all Steven Spielberg on my blog. I squint my eyes a bit wondering if it were possible to see that small red dot of the United States flag on it. Idiot. How the hell would I be able to see that, when even the great walls of China are hardly visible from the moon. I take out my cigarette and try lighting it, but the damn wind was against me. Stupid wind, I didn't even whistle. When finally I was able to light it, I breathed in deeply and blew all the smoke away. I hear the tinkling of the wind chimes in my neighbors house. It wasn't very pleasant because it was eerily quiet outside and I felt the paranoia sweeping through me thinking that someone was watching me. Then I realized that I don't care if they did. We shouldn't really care about what other people think about us. We aren't the center of their universe. Today was hell for me, literally, it was one of the worst days of my life. My laptop has stored all of my the important documents I need and, well, my whole life was in my laptop. And this morning it suddenly decided that it didn't care about the crap that was in it and it had stopped working. I tried everything obviously. I was beyond aggravated because I really wanted to salvage all of my files. Sadly, the only way for my laptop to work again was if I reformatted it. I had brought it to the computer shop before, and they had done the same thing. So yeah, I was fucked. I was depressed all morning, downloading all the programs that I could, and it all took forever to download. To make matters worse, my mom flips out on me getting angry with me for things that weren't even my fault to begin with. I'm not being biased at all, she was completely out of line. It was pretty hot this morning and the air conditioning was broken so I had to work under the heat. This of course made me even more cranky than I was before. My maids were watching television and complaining about the celebrities of how fat they had gotten and how they couldn't dance. I didn't really want to tell them to shut it off, they had been working hard all morning, why would I take away the simple pleasure of watching television away from them? I had to work while celebrities sang off key to popular songs that have been killed by radio stations because of how much they play it. My sisters had gone out to the mall to hang out and I was left at home to work because of the documents I had been working on all week had been erased. I missed a concert that I was suppose to watch with my best friends Angie and Karla because of it. I would have gone if I had known my laptop would do this to me. So yeah, my day was shit. To make matters worse, the guy I really like just vanishes. Literally, vanishes, the second he tells me he would. Leaves me with my problems of trying to recover my files. This. is. the life. How come we are being asked to do papers that I probably wouldn't even remember in the future? Writing papers on useless crap that nobody really gives a damn about. We're all really just doing it because of the grade. That's all that really matters. Passing all the papers, which I'm pretty sure, aren't even read. Probably skimmed through, and judging it by its length and marking it as Checked. Is that what life is all about? I should really stop thinking about shit like this. They only give me head aches. I already did have one before thinking about it, I don't really want to make it worse. Right now, I'm suppose to be working on my paper, but I prefer to write all of this down before I forget. Sometimes I don't get why he even talks to me when I do all the talking anyway and he'd give me brief answers.

I was literally shaking because of how cold it was, but then, I could be wrong because I was dumb enough to come out of the house in a tank top and shorts at 1:00 AM, especially when it's been raining lately and the winds are usually colder at night. But I didn't really care, I needed that break from it all. I hear a party happening at the house down the street, I am envious of how stress-free they must be. But I guess I can't really say that because, you can't really know what people are going through just by looking at them. For all I know they could have been having money problems or problems at work and they just wanted to forget about them for the night. Lucky them. I would be finished soon anyway. Not just my paper, but college. I'm over joyed and saddened at the same time that I am almost graduating. Im happy because it'll almost all be over. But sad because, then I'd have to enter the real world. I'd have to work and provide for myself. I would have to leave my friends at school too. Sometimes I think about staying a little while longer at college, but then I thought, why prolong the agony of having to study when I could just get everything over with? I turn out my cigarette and light another. Perhaps it would be best if I started walking up the street towards my house. I didn't feel like it was safe to be walking around alone this late. I lean on a post and accidentally collide my cigarette with a bush and automatically say sorry. It made me think about what my friend Tom had told me. I had asked him about his religious beliefs and he had told me that he was atheist. I had been doubting a lot lately and I had asked him why he was atheist. He told me that he took a Philosophy class that made sense out of things. It makes me wonder, why they teach us not to believe? I tell him what have we got to lose if we believe in God? He tells me that we lose our autonomous thought, free will, ability to live and experience different things. He even quoted Nietszche saying that "it makes humanity weak and defenseless, and makes them bow to the commands of an unknown leader" What he said actually made sense. I take another puff and blow it all away and throw it on the ground and went back inside to do more paper work even if all I really want to do right now is sleep, or probably stay outside for a little while longer. But it won't feel right either because even if I did relax for awhile outside, I'd still think about all the work waiting for be when I go back inside. Might as well get it over with.